Trick or Treating at House 69
by Neji-Is-A-Caged-Bi-8D
Summary: Deidara and the Akatsuki gang go trick or treating! But Sasori is not with them, why do you suppose that is? Read to find out! Pairings: OroSaso SasoDei ItaKisa KakuHida ZetTobi DeiJacob
1. Getting Ready

DISCLAIMER!: K, I'm going to make this short and sweet. I own nothing but the plot here. Got it? No suing me or taking this off!

"Come on guys! All of the good candy is gonna be gone if we don't hurry up!" Deidara said in a gay-like manner. It was Halloween night, and the Akatsuki gang (yeah, GANG) was going trick or treating…despite their ages. Well, almost all of them, Sasori was spending the night at an unknown friend's house.

"Do we have to?" Kisame said, from behind his bedroom door.

"Of course we do!" Tobi said, skipping into the hallway with Zetsu a couple feet behind them.

"What are you guys, again?" Deidara looked at them skeptically.

"The Olsen twins…" Zetsu sighed. They had some strawberry-blonde wigs on and where wearing blouses and mini skirts. But, there was the fact that Zetsu and Tobi looked…you know…totally different…

Deidara blinked. "…Oh."

A high-pitched scream came from Kisame and Itachi's room. The door burst open and Kisame fell flat on his face as Itachi came and rolled over him. Itachi was apparently dressed up as an extremely large pill.

Itachi managed to help Kisame up, but fell over in the process. Once both of the 'men' where completely balanced, Deidara could see Kisame's costume. He was wearing no shirt, a pair of swimming trunks, and holding a surfboard. This actually took Deidara a moment to think about.

"…What are you, a hooker?"

"I'm a surfer," Kisame mumbled, looking at the ground.

Before Deidara had time to question him, Hidan stomped boldly into the room. "Happy fuckin' Halloween, bastards." Hidan was wearing a pair of girls' jeans and a light pink shirt…with a pillow underneath it.

"Dare I ask what you're supposed to be?" Deidara asked, backing away a few inches.

"I'm Jamie Lynn Spears, dammit!" He said, scowling at him. "Remember, she was pregnant!"

Deidara blinked. "…Why?!"

"Because she's a whore, and she-"

"Not that!" Deidara sighed. "Why did you dress up as her?"

"Oh," Hidan calmed down a little. "Well, Kakuzu told me I had the mood swings and anger management needs of a pregnant women," He said simply. "Do you have a fucking problem with that?!" He suddenly screamed at him, one eye twitching.

"N-no," Deidara said, backed against a wall. "I see what he means…"

"Of course you do!" Kakuzu skipped into the hall with the beauty and grace of…well…a ninety year old man. The sparkles and wonderfully heroic theme song made up for it, though.

"Hi, Kakuzu. Dressing up as the tooth fairy again?" Deidara asked casually.

"But of course!" He smiled. "I look so pretty!"

Deidara patted him on the shoulder.

Before Kakuzu had time to question, a figure immerged from the darkness. Was it a ghost? No. Was it a vampire? No. Was it a werewolf? No. It was…!

"Hi, guys." Pein sighed, hopping into the hall in a bright pink bunny suit.

"Hello, leader-sama," Deidara bowed, choking back laughter.

Pein scowled at him. "Shut up, Deidara."

"I think it's very manly, leader-sama." Itachi said, bowing as well.

"Are you guys KIDDING me?!" Hidan screamed. "Do you not SEE him?! He's wearing a frickin' bunny suit!"

Itachi punched Hidan on the arm and scowled at him.

"A MANLY bunny suit, thank you very much!" Pein glared at them all. "And, besides, read the name tag! Tonight, I'm not your leader. I am Mr. Manly Pink Bunny Sir!" He pointed to a nametag on his chest. The nametag was messy and covered in sharpie; the only thing really readable was "Hello my name is:" and "Sir".

"Mr. Manly Pink Bunny Sir, calm down," Konan immerged from behind Pein, holding onto the leash tied around his neck.

"Yes, pimp-sama…" Pein sighed and looked at the floor.

Konan was indeed dressed as a pimp with the hat and everything. She even had a cane that doubled as a whip.

"Well, if you slow pokes are ready, then let's go!" Deidara grabbed the door handle.

"Hey! Wait!" Kisame said before he could open the door. "You never told us what you are!"

Deidara turned around and put his hands on his hips. "Uhm, hello! Can you not tell by my bleach-blonde wig and bag of crack? I'm Lindsey Lohan!"

Everyone just left it at that, not wanting to know more. It was Deidara, after all. So, they left the house, each with an empty Wal-Mart bag to collect candy in. _-.-_


	2. Out and About

"Trick or treat!" They all echoed at the first house.

"Aren't you kids a little old to be trick or treating?" An old lady looked up at the group curiously.

"We're five!" Hidan screamed suddenly. Everyone turned around to stare at him.

"Oh! Well that's okay, then…" The lady gave them candy and they walked on.

Deidara shook his head. "I can't believe that worked…"

"I just have a way with the ladies," Hidan said smoothly.

.

"I think that was my mom!" Kakuzu said glancing back at the door.

Hidan looked suddenly sick.

A group of kids came skipping towards them.

"Oh my god! Little children!" Kakuzu and Hidan echoed in unison and ran towards them. The kids tried to run away, but alas, they were too slow. After Kakuzu took their money (and teeth, since he was the tooth fairy) Hidan raped them and sacrificed them to Jashin.

After about an hour and a half, Hidan finally finished his damn rituals and they could move ON! They walked up the narrow walk way to the house next door, though it had no lights on. –DUN DUN DUN!!!-

"Guys, we're wasting our time with this house!" Deidara tapped his foot impatiently as Hidan rang the door bell for the eleventh time.

"Aw, screw it!" Hidan scowled at the door. But did he walk away? Of course not! He pulled an iron pipe out of his costume and threw it through the window of the door.

He turned to face the group and smiled. "Let's go, bitches!" He smiled, glass sticking out of his face. Hidan unlocked the door and the team walked into the door as if it were their own. Hidan took the TV, Kakuzu took the money, Tobi took the candy, Zetsu took a little kid that was hiding in a closet, Deidara took the art supplies, Kisame took a fish tank, and Itachi got stuck in the door.

"Aren't you guys gonna take anything?" Deidara tilted his head to the side and looked at Pein and Konan.

"No." Konan said simply and turned away from him.

"Aw, come on! Why not?" He could here Pein whining to Konan as they walked out the back door. (Itachi was still stuck in the front one.) "They have awesome earrings here!"

Konan scowled at him and dragged him along to the next house.

"Senpai! Let's try that house!" Tobi gasped and pointed to the house across the street.

The house across the street had a certain…'-a-pedophile-lives-here-and-you-will-be-raped-if-you-come-within-a-few-feet' feel to it. There were multiple signs scattered on the lawn that read 'Children, welcome!' and 'Come here, little children!' For god's sake, there was bowl on the front lawn with candy in it!

"These are not drugs…" Hidan read slowly, sounding out the words. "Kakuzu! I did it! I read the words!"

Kakuzu patted him on the head. "Good job, Hidan!"

"Well, someone knock on the door!" Deidara whined. He didn't have much candy yet and it had already been a couple hours! Why did Hidan have so many damn rituals…?

"Fine. I will!" Deidara said impatiently and pounded his fist on the door. That's when he saw…HIM. It was the love of his life, he dream man. It was Brad Pitt! NO!! No! Just kidding, just kidding! It was Sasori…not Brad Pitt…

"D-Deidara!" He squealed and looked around nervously. "What are you doing here?!" He hissed.

"Trick or treating, of course!" Deidara said, throwing a cloud of sparkles into Sasori's face. "What are YOU doing here?"

Sasori sweat dropped and wiped the sparkles out of his face. "I'm—"

"Sasori! Where are you?" A man with a high-pitched, raspy voice called from inside.

"You're staying with Orochimaru?" Deidara squeaked, barely being able to speak. He was afraid for his LIFE.

"Couldn't you tell by the yard decoration?" Sasori asked with one eyebrow raised.

Deidara hesitated. "…True."

"Sasori!" Orochimaru whined from inside.

Sasori sighed. "Just a minute! God!" He called into the house and began to turn away.

"Wait, Sasori-sama!" Deidara grabbed his arm.

"Deidara, shoo!" Sasori pulled his arm back. "If Orochimaru sees me with you he'll—"

"Sasori, what's taking you so long?!" Orochimaru walked into the doorway. He glared at Deidara. "Sasori, what's Lindsey Lohan doing here?"

Sasori thought quickly. "Orochimaru-sama! Isn't he cute?!" He pointed at Deidara and looked up at Orochimaru with shimmering eyes.

Orochimaru squinted and tilted his head. "I guess…"

"Can't we keep him?!" Sasori begged, pulling on his shirt like a child begging for a puppy.

Orochimaru sighed. "Sasori, you know a pet's a big responsibility…"

"I know! But I'll feed him by myself and I'll walk him every day! I promise! Please?!" Sasori's bottom lip trembled.

Orochimaru sighed again. "Okay, fine. But YOU have to clean up any messes he makes on the floor…"

"Yay!" Sasori said and grabbed Deidara by the arm, pulling him into the house.


End file.
